SUSAN CLOKE
Columnist
Gratitude infused the love I felt as I looked
around the full Sunday morning brunch table. I’ve been thinking lately about the value of gratitude
in the personal, daily experience of life and about its meaning in human history.
So, when both eating and talking had slowed a
little
I turned the discussion at the table to the
subject of gratitude. Asking not
only what people were grateful for but also what meaning they assigned to
gratitude.
Our three-year-old cousin, the youngest at the
table, happily said, “penguin” and held out the adorable stuffed penguin which is
her constant companion.
Her eleven year old sister thought and then said,
“‘I know I’m able to do cool things other kids can’t. I go to a great school. I have understanding and kind people always around me. I can go swimming. I go to swim practice every day and that
makes me part of a community where I am welcome.”
Our ten year old cousin said, “I’m grateful for
nature. Gratitude is being happy
about something. I’m happy for the
things people do for me and I happy to be able to move, to do sports, to run
and to play the piano.”
“I’m grateful to have had such wonderful parents who only
wanted me to be happy and were generous to me all their lives,” said their
Nana, at 73 the oldest person at the table.
Gratitude became the subject of general
conversation and ideas came from everyone, of all ages, bouncing back and forth
across the table, starting with “I’m grateful for the Big Bang.”
“On a daily basis, gratitude is a constant
recognition of acts of kindness and generosity. Recognizing what others do for you.”
“It feels like being grateful is a luxury. If you don’t have food you only have
one problem and gratitude is a luxury.
If you have food than you have the possibility of having many problems.”
“Imagine the gratefulness our great grandmother
must have felt to come to America and live the life she had.” “Sometimes it
takes a change in circumstances.”
“I remember being a teenager and coming back
from my NOLS
(outdoor education) trip in Utah. I turned on the faucet and warm water
came out.” That comment got the
laughter of recognition. One of other
cousins, in her 40’s, added “like standing in the shower with hot water pouring
over you. It feels like a
miracle.” “It’s like you have to
lose something to really understand gratitude.”
“Little things can mean everything.” “What you do with gratitude – is it a
feeling or a practice or both? Is
the practice of gratitude graciousness?”
“If you’re doing something and people are not
recognizing it that can be annoying.
So don’t do it for recognition but because it is the right thing to
do.” “Yes, and just feel sorry for
the person who can’t feel gratitude.”
“It’s a shift in perspective that makes you
creative. It’s a consciousness to
remember to be grateful when you’re rushing through and doing the normal
busy-ness of life and then you realize how wonderful it is to be in this big
web of a family. It’s a rush and
makes me feel great and it makes me treasure people.”
Where does gratitude come from? Why do some people feel it and others
not? Why do some people feel it
more than others?
Christmas gives us a special opportunity to
think about gratitude. Christmas
is now a commercial holiday and, as such, is as much about giving and getting
material objects as it is a religious celebration. Holidays can be times of joy and fun and they can be times
of complicated emotions and relationships.
Don’t get me wrong here. I love parties and celebrations. I love
presents. I love getting them and
I love giving them. I love the
anticipation - especially when I think I’m going to make someone happy. I’m also very aware that parties
and present giving can be emotionally loaded and sometimes cause unhappiness or
feelings of debt and obligation.
Before there was a Christmas gratitude was
already the subject of philosophers and writers. Cicero, (b. 106 BCE) the
Roman philosopher, orator and theorist said, “Gratitude
is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”
Not to be discounted is Piglet, of
Winnie the Pooh, who “noticed that even though
he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”
Gratitude is at the core of an honorable life
and to live without it leaves an emptiness. It is an outward expression of empathy. Gratitude is a gift we give and a gift
we receive.
Thinking about gratitude together is the gift I
hope to share with you this holiday season.
With All Best Holiday and New Year Wishes and
with gratitude.
